Fangs of the Living Dead

Holy crap this is a confusing one. The plot is all over the place and we’re never really told why things are happening and when we are told nothing makes sense. About the only thing this movie has going for it is the sexiness of its characters. Pretty much every character in this movie looks like an Italian supermodel. And for the ladies out there (and some men), there’s even a scene where this sexy guy gets put in chains with his shirt. If this movie had just made that jump to soft-core porn it might have been more watchable. As it is I’d rather get my sexy Italians from actually competent movies. So this girl finds out she’s a Duchess and that means gets a castle… or something. So leaves her sexy Doctor boyfriend to go see the castle near this town with sexy barmaids. But when she gets to the castle she finds that sexy vampires inhabit it. She’s forced to stay there by the shear sexiness of the head vampire. So her sexy boyfriend and his sexy comic foil sidekick person go to see what’s what. There’s some light bondage, vampirism is involved and there’s a surprise and kind of funny resolution. The plot should be simple but they muck it up with flashbacks and confusing plot cul-de-sacs. It’s boring and just not that interesting except for the pure sexiness involved. Basically it’s pretty skipable. Not bad enough to be good, not good enough to be fun, and even the sexiness of it’s characters aren’t enough to save this wreck of a film. Watch something else. Part of the Vampire Werewolf Dark Moon Collection, bought at Walmart for five bucks.